so…I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things lately…but also a lot of non-thoughts.  do you ever feel like that?  like you’re not thinking?  and just coasting?  is it just me?  I have felt that way a lot lately.

but also….

I have peace.  so much freaking peace about being single.  friends, it is wonderful.  it is so wonderful to have peace.  to be content.  in the past I might have said “I am okay being single.  I am content being single.”  but secretly hoping love finds you when you’re not looking for it, right?  so let’s say I am not looking for it and then I will get married tomorrow.  it is nice to really be there.  and know that marriage alone would not make my life better.  I still hope for marriage; I still imagine it can be pretty great.  but it’s not breaking me that it’s not now.  I’m not freaking out.  and it’s awesome.  AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!  with all those caps and exclamation points!  and at the same time, I have hope for marriage.  I think it can be good.  reminder here, thanks friend.

I have to relearn how to talk to God because I don’t need to talk to him about wanting a husband and wanting a husband now.  hee hee!  no really.  it’s like relearning.

I am being challenged by new people and new interactions.  I’m noticing that I like being comfortable and I’ve gotten out of getting out of my comfort zone.

I have a lot of anger, this week.  I love my school.  I love my school with everything I have.  I love my job.  and I can’t imagine being anywhere else.  but this week has been a rough week for us.  and I am really, really angry at the media.  the news, the facebooks, the twitters, the drama and the gossip.  I am angry at the way we are being portrayed.  I am angry that all the work we have done over the past five years can be trampled on by an ignorant reporter or an ignorant parent or an immature teenager.  we are a family, and we love each other, and I hate that people are trying to tear us apart with their words.  our principal is the best leader on the planet.  I love her and so do our kids.  we are a family.

I am realizing that I am also comfortable with a little danger, a little uncertainty.  that that really is my comfort zone.  I am not afraid of fights at school; or of my car breaking down in montana.

I am nervous/excited about changes coming with the coaching staff on cross country.  as I have said before, cross country is my favorite thing ever! and changes make me nervous.  even changes that I think will actually be really good.

I am wearing skinny jeans with flats.  this is a new experience for me.

I am fighting the battle of they changed my favorite underwear two years ago and I have STILL not gotten over it!!

I am really loving being an aunt.  like a lot.  I love effy as a baby but I can’t wait to build a relationship with her as she gets older.  I am loving the conversations about life I can have with my brother.

I am taking zero pictures of anything!!  this needs to change.

I am sad downton abbey is over.  for now.  m+m forever.

I am really, really loving this game.  and these guys.

I am mentally fighting a battle of whether or not being organized is crucial.  I am not organized.  at all.  I feel totally defeated in my bedroom and I think I have given up.  I also feel defeated with this in my classroom.  is it important?  and if so, why is it so very difficult for me??

I am excited about an old friend moving closer.  I have missed her.

I am sad to be three thousand miles away from my best friend when she becomes a mom.

and I am trying really hard to not buy these shoes that I want SO BAD!!! but don’t need even a little.  (that are way cheaper at off broadway but I still shouldn’t buy)